www.theblisspages.com - Murray Lachlan Young

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Murray Lachlan Young

Murray Lachlan Young

This article was referenced by the BBC news site on 13th January 2006, and I received several emails and some feedback from people who enjoyed it. I've therefore put links to some of the other articles on or mentioning Murray I have on my website (notes inégales, I am not stressed, and an evening of poetry), but don't limit yourself to these - there's a wealth of information about all manner of things, and even a few of my poems!

Murray is in the process of creating his own website, which will be at www.murraylachlanyoung.com.

Murray appeared at the scala on 29 April 2003, supporting The Pretenders. I thought it an inspired choice. A group would have had a hard act to follow (well, to precede, in fact!). A thespian is another matter entirely! I had no preconceptions as he came on stage but was swiftly won over, and enjoyed seeing him again at the Brighton Festival 2004.

He has kindly given me permission to put a few of his poems on my site, but please respect his copyright, and don't copy them without permission.

With no further ado, please enjoy:
poems: god bless the naked rambler : to a scrotum : simply everyone's taking cocaine
recent articles: notes inégales : I am not stressed : an evening of poetry

God bless the naked Rambler

God bless the naked Rambler
God bless his naked plan
God bless that solo nudist
And his brave bare-bottomed stand

Lands end to Newbury, Offas Dyke
Buxton Pennines on to Hawick
Across the Firth of Forth he strode
To John O'Groats the final road

Shaggy beard, safari hat
Sturdy boots and heavy pack
His mission plain: to drive away
This island's sense of naked shame

But quickly it became quite clear
Some did not like his naked rear
They did not think it good enough
A rambler rambling in the buff

And shouted from behind the door
A naked man, call in the law!
Imagine if a child should see
This shocking lack of dignity

And then be scarred and turn to drugs
And end up on an Afghan rug
Cavorting naked in a pile
And then become a paedophile!

The judge declared, “This can’t go on
The man must put some Y-fronts on
And if he won’t then he must pay
Take him down for twenty days”

In Portfield prison, Inverness
They could not make Rambler dress
So threw him into solitary
But could not take his dignity

Five months in jail he was waylaid
Diverted from his nude crusade
When they finally set him free
He strode away in naked glee

Continuing his rustic route
Clad only in his birthday suit
To John O'Groats he made his way
One windy January day

And there he stood at journey's end
Himself he tried not to defend
“I may have caused some small alarm
But not committed any harm
My body it is part of me
There is no shame just dignity”

God bless you naked rambler
God bless your hairy arse
And god bless the foolish tools of law
That tried to block your path.

To a scrotum

Och rough silk purse for bauble fair
Surrounded yon by pubic hair
It is my noblest intention
Of ye here to mak a mention
For in verse I hae detected
Ye go lost and disconnected
Oh wispy baldy friend of mine

Hence it is time that all should hear
Of your kind work and jaunty cheer
Unlike Old William thy companion
Ever jumping into canyon
Nae humble godly meek and wise
A dangling doon between ma thighs
Oh strangle textured friend of mine

A first ye are an empty vestal
Yet to grasp hormonal nettle
But soon drop doon ye twa fine pearls
Vanguard o coarse and wiry curls
Then soon enough push comes to tug
Your progeny lies on the rug
Oh well-protected friend oh mine

In youth you are a factory
Producing with fluidity
Along with grunting commentary
Beneath the damp teenage duvet
A fine and fertile clinging spray
At least a dozen times a day

In manhood comes your finest hour
Well combined with female power
The ovum breached the work begin
The cells divide the angels’ sing
You’ve found your truth you’ve reached the goal
My friend you’ve helped to house a soul
In age my friend your beard turns gray

Och lang ye stretch but on ye stay a
A burr upon an ancient tree
Recounting tales of chivalry
Content to dwell on ancient thrill
Or wait on yonder wee blue pill

Tus strange to think ma dear auld chum
In age how like we too become
Baeth spent and grizzled we depart
For pastures new the march we start
So thanks old pal ahead of time
Oh wispy baldy, strangely textured, true unstinting friend of mine.

Simply Everyone’s taking Cocaine

From Mayfair to Morden from Soho to Sidcup
From Richmond to Dalston through old Regents park
From Borough to Bayswater, Crouchend to Clapham.
From Debden to Tooting beneath Marble arch.

There are daughters of ministers children of clergy
There are amiable honarables barristers verging
On every single section of today’s society
Have thrown figs to the wind and embraced with such glee
The most wonderful pastime to have come around in years
Yes policemen and plumbers road sweepers and peers

Simply everyone’s taking Cocaine

Well last weekend I rode the Millennium wheel
From above and beneath I heard giggle and squeal
For instead of enjoying fine views all about
All the tourists were busily racking them out
Even those from the west of Ukraine

Simply everyone’s taking Cocaine

In the marathon runners are running with glee
With a vigour quite plain for spectators to see
It’s a marvel how thousands have slashed at their times
By at regular intervals hoofing a line
They’ve been stoking it up like a train

Simply everyone’s taking cocaine

Well I saw a young fireman helmet in hand
With a placard declaring we need thirty grand.
When I asked him to justify such an increase
He said “we have to buy it unlike the police”
Then he left for his villa in Spain

Saying everyone’s taking cocaine

Well I saw fizzy Sipworth attempting to eat
Inexplicably missing the most of her teeth
I said Fizzy your gummy what gives you old wag
She said “snorting Peruvian from the pound bag”
Then she laughed like a Portuguese drain

Simply everyone’s taking cocaine

Well I saw aunty Millie, her nose in a cast
I asked how would she manage her hourly blast
“She said needs must dear boy though it may seem a farce
I’ve been having it blown up the old Khyber Pass
By an elderly friend from Bahrain”

Simply everyone’s taking Cocaine

Uncle Percy set off on his great expedition
I said Percy you look in the peek of condition
“Quite so dear boy I’m a jack in the box
Since I purchased a sack of Bolivian rocks
From a couple I met on a plane ”

Simply everyone’s taking Cocaine

In the jungle old Percy’s supply was near done
He said this lack of chang is impeding my fun
When a barer discovered the wreck of a plane
Fairly stuffed to the gunnels with bales of Cocaine
For a year did he chatter and gurn
His remains were returned in an urn

Well the vicar proclaimed it the poorest of taste
To be scattering ashes all over the place
And if as he suspected, the powder were pure
“We should snort the old goat off the rectory floor”
So he chopped out old Percy in lines
Well at first aunty Millie declined

But she quickly gave in when the reverend stepped in
And assured her that Percy would waggle his chin
If he heard that his very last blast
Was a trip up the old Khyber Pass?
Then we all shouted hip hip hooray

Simply everyone’s taking Cocaine

For bus drivers are tooting it
Jockey’s are hoofing it
DJ’s are spinning it
Gamblers winning it
Forces manoeuvring it
Cleaners are hoovering it
Models are booked on it
Anglers hooked on it
Pensioners drawing it
Footballers scoring it
Technicians miking it
PA’s are biking it
Producers are trying it
AnR men denying it
Publishers collecting it
Lawyers protecting it
Artists are begging it
Some of them pegging it
It seems like it’s simple there’s no one to blame
For the whole of this nation is taking Cocaine
Simply everyone’s taking Cocaine

Oh how gay it all seems and how bright we all are
How much fun we are having and Oh what a lark
To have blistering jousting and sharp repartee
Oh please less less, less, about you
And please more, more, more, about me

I hope you enjoyed this mini-review and these samples of Murray's work, and that it gave you the flavour of his humour. Please give me feedback.

updated Sun 23 Apr '06   give feedback...

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